DOGE just blew the lid off the Small Business Administration handing out $312 million in COVID loans to kids under 11! Are you freaking kidding me? The Department of Government Efficiency—Elon’s brainchild with Vivek and the X army—caught these clowns red-handed, and I’m losing my fucking mind over it! Three hundred and twelve MILLION bucks shoveled out to 5,600 rugrats who can’t even spell “business,” let alone run one. What’s next—toddler CEOs with sippy cups and tax evasion schemes?
This isn’t just incompetence; it’s a middle finger to every schmuck who actually played by the rules during that shitshow pandemic. You’ve got barbershops and diners bleeding out, begging for scraps, while the SBA’s over here like, “Here’s a fat stack for Timmy’s lemonade stand—he’s seven, but he’s got vision!” Vision? The kid’s vision is SpongeBob reruns and a Nerf gun empire. Meanwhile, X is lighting up with screenshots—loan docs showing “applicants” born in 2015. TWO THOUSAND FIFTEEN! They were in diapers when COVID hit, and now they’re cashing checks?
Who signed off on this? Some pencil-pushing moron in a cubicle, or was it straight-up fraud city? DOGE says 100% of those loans are shady as hell—$312 million funneled God-knows-where, probably into some offshore account or a pyramid scheme for Baby Shark merch. And the SBA’s response? Crickets. Not a peep. They’re hoping we’ll just scroll past this like it’s another cat video. Fat chance, suits—X is a bloodhound, and Elon’s got the megaphone.
The replies are pure chaos—half the platform’s screaming for audits, the other half’s memeing “Kidpreneur Millionaires” with crying Jordan faces. One guy’s like, “My niece got $50K, she spent it on Roblox skins!” Hilarious, but I’m too pissed to laugh. This is our money—yours, mine, the guy down the street who’s still paying off his ventilator bill. And they yeeted it to children. CHILDREN! What’s the ROI—crayon drawings and a juice box monopoly?
I want heads on pikes. Fire the whole SBA, top to bottom—clean house, then salt the earth. DOGE’s just getting started, and I’m here for it—let’s burn this scam to the ground and build something that doesn’t screw us sideways. X users are already sniffing out more dirt; someone’s gotta know which insider’s nephew got a yacht out of this. Dig into it, people—scroll, search, rage-post. This isn’t a glitch; it’s a heist, and we’re the suckers left holding the bag.
Three hundred twelve million bucks to kids? I’m done. Absolutely done. Rant over—now go break something (preferably the system).
